If Guns Are Banned, How are We Supposed to Defend Ourselves Against Lions We Lured Out & Provoked?
When I was in elementary school, we took a mandatory field trip to the zoo. I was a little scamp back then, always wanting to play with dangerous animals (I tried to befriend shifty neighborhood raccoons to no avail) so naturally, I wanted to pet a lion. My teacher overheard this and laughed. She later found out how serious I was as she dragged me down from climbing into the enclosure where the napping lions were. I always thought lions were pretty boring.
Around the same time, there was a lot of talk about gun control. Mostly by my parents, as I was still in elementary school you see, but a lot of talk all the same. Now that I’ve grown up I hear a lot of arguments being made to ban guns or to get even more guns into the hands of people all over the country. Humans can be dangerous, sure, but want to know what’s even more dangerous? Lions.
I’ve seen enough documentaries on YouTube and the National Geographic channel to realize how deadly lions can be, especially to humans. Just a few years ago, a lioness killed a couple that was making love. The Smithsonian even made a list of the deadliest man-eating lions. All for what? For invading their territories & destroying their habitats while driving jeeps around what’s left of where they live to point at them & take pictures? Puh-leaze.
Lions won’t even let you ride them, how messed up is that? Nor do they get into any entertaining dance formations à la The Lion King. Circus lions don’t do too much cool stuff either, they act like they don’t even want to be there. All lions do is hunt, kill their prey, make more lions & run in front of nature documentary filmmakers once in a while. Boring AND deadly!
So we can’t possibly ban guns or else these do-nothing “kings” of the jungle will tear us all up & take over the world. The reason they haven’t yet is because we have enough guns to keep them from running amok in our precious cities. City lions could be a huge epidemic and could even eat elementary school students like the student that I once was when I wanted to pet a lion at the zoo. If we get rid of all our guns, the lions will sense it and start striking. I don’t know about you, but I’m not great with a spear.
The recent Cecil incident may have resulted in no injuries to any humans and had no real reason to happen, but believe me he was just one step away from becoming a City lion. We have to keep our guns to keep the dwindling natural lion population that we have already mostly destroyed at bay. Take our guns away and you’ll see a lion armageddon. And I ain’t lion. I saw a YouTube documentary about it.
